


J-Rock Wizard of Oz

by saraithelillie



Category: Alice Nine, Gackt (Musician) RPF, J-Rock - Fandom, Miyavi (Musician), Nightmare (Band), The Wizard Of Oz (1939), X JAPAN, the GazettE
Genre: Adventure, Alternate Universe, Explicit Language, J-Rock, Minor Violence, Platypuses, The Wizard of Oz - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-25 22:05:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16669183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saraithelillie/pseuds/saraithelillie
Summary: Sarai and Pomme get transported from their small village in Japan to a fantastic world called J-Rock.





	1. The Storm

Once, a long time before either of us was born, there lived a young woman named Pomegranate Shiroyama. Pomegranate, or Pomme as she was more often called, lived in a fantastically tiny village in Japan with her Auntie Fawn and her Uncle Aoi, who had taken her in after her parents were killed in a terrible accident when she was three. Now, this tiny village in Japan was also home to Pomme's best friend and companion, Sarai. Sarai lived just next door all alone except for a pet snake named Shakespeare, which Pomme couldn't stand because she was afraid of snakes.

One day the radar on Auntie Fawn's computer said that a big storm was brewing and that everyone needed to stay indoors. Pomme, unfortunately, had gone out partying with a bunch of cute Korean boys who were staying in a fancy hotel in the big town next to the tiny village and did not hear about the storm coming. Auntie Fawn and Uncle Aoi searched and searched, but because Pomme had snuck out they could not even begin to guess as to where she went. Terrified for their ward, they called out into the wind and went over to Sarai's to see if she was there.

Not finding Pomme at Sarai's, they asked her to go and look for Pomme and bring her back because of the storm. When Sarai hesitated, they gave her a swift kick in the buns and sent her off with a sore bum to search for the little degenerate named Pomme.

Sarai searched everywhere, looking for her friend and, having little luck, happened to bump into a cute Korean boy who told her that Pomme and the other Korean boys were all partying in their hotel room. Quite steamed, and still having a sore bottom, Sarai stomped all over the town looking for Pomme.

By the time Sarai found her Pomegranate, the storm was already cresting the edges of the tiny village. They ran and ran, trying to find their way in the blustery wind and rain, but could not. Finally, they found their way into an empty building, where they decided to wait out the storm. It was a very rough and loud storm, raging outside and when Pomme looked out she could see all sorts of animals and people floating by on all the water and wind caused by the storm. Unfortunately, because Pomme didn't listen to Sarai and stood too close to the window, she was conked on the head by a piece of flying debris.

When Pomme finally woke up, she looked all around and realized that the storm had stopped. Sarai was passed out in a chair, her curly hair all fuzzy and frizzy from the humidity of the storm. Giggling to herself, because she is a bitch, Pomme drew a dick on Sarai's face and then woke her up.

"Sarai, the storm has stopped! Perhaps we can find our way back to Auntie Fawn's and Uncle Aoi's now." said Pomme, help her friend up from the chair. Giggling quietly to herself, Pomme went to the door and flung it open, accidentally hitting Sarai in the nose, because she wasn't paying attention, and discovered that they were not in Japan anymore.


	2. "Sarai, I don't think we're in Japan anymore!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having arrived in the world of J-Rock, Sarai and Pomme meet munchkins, a fairy and the Wicked Bitches.

Outside of the door were very beautiful and tall statues of very androgynous people, so very androgynous that the pair had a very hard time figuring out if they were girl statues or boy statues. Beside these statues were tall, gaudy, flowers that spat sparkles into the air every time one of them tried to pick one. Slightly frightened, Pomme turned to her friend and said,

"Sarai, I don't think we're in Japan anymore."

Sarai calmly replied, "No shit, Sherlock! Does this look like Japan to you?!"

"No, I was trying to be Dorothy. You know, from the Wizard of Oz? I was making the line 'We aren't in Kansas anymore, Toto' fit our situation."

"Oh. Well, you are doing a crappy job, your hair isn't in braids and you aren't wearing the right outfit. I mean you don't even have a dog!"

"Yes I do! You’re my Toto!" Pomme ducked as Sarai swung at her and giggled hysterically as she ran toward a flower vomiting sparkles all over the place.

"So," said Pomme. "Where do you think we are Toto?"

"I am NOT your fucking Toto! And I have no clue."

All the sudden, the girls heard a trio of giggles coming from the sparkle spewing flowers. Pomme looked at Sarai and Sarai looked at Pomme.

"Are flowers that throw up sparkles supposed to giggle in threes?" asked Pomme.

"I don't know." replied Sarai, shrugging her shoulders.

"Why don't you go and check?" asked Pomme, coming up behind Sarai and shoving her towards the giggling vegetation.

"Scaredy cat," muttered Sarai, finding a stick and stretching to poke at one of the flowers. When she did this, a tiny person popped up from behind the flowers and smiled really big.

"Hi! I'm Yomi! And I'm a Munchkin! I'm a happy Munchkin!" It said. "You killed the Wicked Bitch of the East!"

"Okay, dude," said Sarai. "We didn't kill anyone and you can't prove it!"

"Yes I can!" replied the little person that called itself Yomi. "Come on, I will show you."

Coming out from behind the flowers, Yomi took Sarai's hand, as she was closest to its size, and took her over to where the abandoned house had landed. Peeking out just under the really crappy white trim was a pair of feet with nine inch electric blue heels on its feet.

"Well, crap. You said Wicked Bitch of the East? So that's a good thing right? Do we get a parade and cookies or something?" asked Pomme, edging closer to Sarai and Yomi.

"Actually, you must be sacrificed because the Wicked Bitch of the East was our leader. Get them boys!" just as he shouted that two other munchkins came up and grabbed Sarai and Pomme, dragging them over to some wooden poles surrounded by loads of firewood.

"Did you notice these when we first got out of the Crazy House?" whispered Pomme to Sarai.

"No. Pretty sure those weren't there before."

The Munchkins then proceeded to tie Pomme and Sarai to the wooden poles and begin to light the wood for the fire. The one that called itself Yomi smiled the biggest as the other two lit the kindling. As he smiled Sarai noticed that he had three huge fangs pointing out of his cute little mouth. One on the left of his front teeth, one on the right and one directly in-between his two front teeth. What had been an adorably androgynous munchkin had suddenly turned into one scary creature.

"Did you notice the fangs when that Munchkin first started talking to us?" asked Sarai.

"Fangs? What fangs?!" replied Pomme, panicking slightly.

"Oh, you didn't notice. Never mind."

Just then a hot pink bubble appeared and out stepped a man not much taller than the munchkins. This man was different than the Munchkins though, because on his back you could tell he had tried to sew fairy wings, it was an obviously failed attempt. This man had bright pink hair, big yellow shoes and an electric green suit, with purple fairy wings sewn haphazardly on the back. Pulling out a beautiful guitar, the man played a chord, that the munchkins apparently couldn't stand, that put out the fire and chased away the evil little midgets. It also untied the girls and made all the sacrifice equipment disappear.

Pulling out a cigarette, the man casually leaned against one of the statues and made his guitar disappear.

"Thanks a lot, mister." said the girls, in stereo.

"How did you get to this land?" asked the man, pulling a drag off of his cigarette and running a hand through his hair.

"Well, there was this really bad storm where we're from and somehow we got transported here. Have you ever seen The Wizard of Oz? Yeah, that's kind of how it happened." replied Pomme.

For a moment, the man just stared at her, and then started laughing. "Well, you did me a favor. I've been trying to get rid of that stupid bitch for YEARS! Never knew that I had to drop a house on her ass to get rid of her. So, I owe you one favor. I can tell you how to get back to where you are from, I can teach you to play a magical guitar or I can give you some candy. Your choice."

Pomme began to speak, but Sarai cut her off, saying, "Well, first I think we'd like to know your name, before we start asking favors."

"My name is hide. That is he-day, and it is spelled like hide with a lower case h. Capitalize that H and we are going to have issues. What about your names?"

"Well, I'm Pomegranate, but you can call me Pomme and this is Toto. I mean, Sarai. I totally meant Sarai." Pomme began to giggle and Sarai shot her the look of death when hide looked at Sarai's forehead.

"So, Sarai, it was Sarai? Why do you have a dick tattoo on your head?"

"Dick tattoo?" asked Sarai. Her hand went up to her forehead and came back with the marker that Pomme had used to draw the dick. She looked at Pomme and growled, "You drew a Dick on my forehead?! We could've died and you are drawing penises on my forehead! I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Lunging at Pomme, Sarai tripped and fell to the ground, which was the perfect angle for her to see the shoes the Wicked Bitch had been wearing before she bit the big one.

"Hey, hide, what about the shoes? I mean, they have to have some magic right?"

"Well, yeah they have magic. This is the world of J-Rock."

"J-Rock, what's that?" asked Pomme. Now it was hide's turn to give a dirty look, cringing Pomme hid behind Toto, I mean Sarai. She hid behind Sarai.

"You don't know about J-Rock? Why, this is the land of J-Rock from where you stand to the Pink Star City far to the West. Have you never heard of the forest of Guitars? Or the fields of Androgyny?"

"Um, going to have to say no on that one." replied Pomme. "But I would love to learn more about you and this place. I'm a big fan of androgyny."


	3. The Wicked Bitch Arrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wicked Bitch shows up, Pomme gets some shoes she doesn't want and the journey to the Pink Star City begins

Just then there was a big explosion of horrible fashion, hypocrisy and too much perfume and in front of hide stood a woman. You could tell that this woman had been pretty, once. Now she was just a glob of out of date fashion, scented with way too much perfume and a fading "Meat is Murder" button attached to her left boob, which was so full of silicon that she could've created an entire Barbie Doll army. On her right boob was a grease stain from the hamburger that was still stuck in her teeth and her hair was a rainbow of colors that should never EVER exist.

"Well, if it isn't the other Wicked Bitch. Girls, this is Twink, Wicked Bitch of the West, Wicked Bitch of the East's little sister. You couldn't, perhaps, get back in your flying house and squish this one too could you?" asked hide.

"Pretty sure that isn't how it works hide." replied Sarai.

"Who killed my sister?! Who did it?" Twink looked at the girls and pointed a greasy, half eaten, chicken leg at them. Then, looking at what she had in her hand she tossed it into the sparkly flowers.

"They killed your sister, Twink. What are you going to do about it? Grease them up and eat them?" asked hide, lighting another cigarette.

Focusing her attention on hide, Twink seemed to forget that her sister was dead and that there were some magical shoes waiting to be taken. Typical bad guy, never pays attention.

"Silly hide, I don't eat meat. Meat is Murder, you should know that. I work with PETA, I am a vegan." said Twink in a really syrupy sweet voice.

"Really? So, what is that stuck in-between your rotting teeth? Is that... Why, yes it is! It's Cow meat. If Meat is Murder, you are a murderer!"

Twink twisted her bulging torso to face the voice that had said those words, her wrath-filled gaze falling on Pomme. Pomme gave a silly smile and then once again hid behind Sarai.

"Well," huffed Twink. "I've never been so insulted in all my life. Just give me my sister's magic shoes and I'll be on my merry little way."

"Well, you can't have them." replied hide.

"Why Not?!" screamed Twink.

"Because the rightful owner is wearing them. Just look!" with that, hide pointed at Pomme's feet which were now encased inside nine inches of electric blue heels.

At first Pomme was as stunned as anyone, then she began trying to tug them off exclaiming "EW, EW! I have a dead woman's shoes on my feet! EW! EW, EW!"

Thankfully, Sarai stopped Pomme, otherwise this would be the end of our story.

"You bitch!" exclaimed Twink. "Give me back those shoes! I bought those for her at a sale, they should come to me!" Twink reached toward the shoes, but before she could touch them hide played a chord on his magical guitar that caused the shoes to shock Twink's grubby hands.

"Be gone. They belong to her now and you have no power here. Besides, I have to get out of here soon, I have a magical band rehearsal to get to."

"Fine, I'll go," said Twink. "But keep this in mind, I'll get you..."

"My pretty, yeah I know, I know. And my pocket mom too. I know the gist." interrupted Pomme.

Then, with a flash of stale glitter, Twink was gone, leaving only the stench of her perfume and a half eaten chicken leg behind.

As soon as Twink was gone, hide turned and looked at the girls expectantly. He lit another cigarette and took a puff, waiting for someone to say something. Pomme was still worrying over having a dead woman’s shoes on her feet but Sarai was ignoring her.

“So, what are you going to do now?” asked hide.

“Um, not really sure. Maybe you could tell us how to get home?” replied Sarai.

“Well, actually, I was thinking I could just give you the general direction and leave it at that. My band practice starts in five.” A magic hot pink bubble suddenly appeared beside him and he threw away his cigarette. “If I were you, I would take the Pink Gibson Road, to Pink Star City. The Wizard of J-Rock lives there. He should be able to help you. By the way, just in case you don’t quite understand, the Pink Gibson road is the only road here and it is paved with pink Gibson guitars. Have fun! Nice meeting you, hope you survive.”

“Wait a minute! You said you would tell us how to get home!” Pomme cried, wobbling toward hide and the bubble.

“Yeah, you’re right. But I have to go. I don’t have time to explain it to you. Just follow the Pink Gibson Road. You’ll figure it out.” And with that hide got in his bubble and sped off, leaving a trail of pink spider shaped sparkles behind.

“Well, that was just fantastic. What if the munchkins come back?” asked Pomme.

“I don’t know, but looks like this is the start of the Pink Gibson Road, so let’s go.” With that, Sarai took Pomme’s hand and helped her walk along the first swirl of the Pink Gibson Road.


	4. Meeting the Miyavi Scarecrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pomme and Sarai meet Miyavi, a scarecrow, guarding a field of neon purple street lamps.

They walked for what felt like hours when they finally came to a crossroad. They looked to the left, then to the right and then straight ahead. Slightly dismayed they looked around for a road-side assistance booth, but quickly gave that up because this wasn’t Japan. Finally, Pomme plopped down on the side of the road and tried to think.

“You know, it would’ve been nice if hide would’ve told us which way to go if we came to a crossroad. Now what do we do?” asked Sarai.

“Well, you could go that way!” said a voice.

“Who said that?”Asked Pomme.

"Or you could go this way?" said the voice again.

"Where are you?!" asked Sarai, irritably.

"Over here, silly!" replied the voice.

The girls looked around, but only saw a feminine looking scarecrow standing in a big field of neon purple street lamps. This scarecrow was also very unique compared to the scarecrows back in that tiny village in Japan. This scarecrow was wearing a baggy pair of black pants and a long sleeve black shirt that seemed to have chains and straps hanging from it like a straight-jacket. The scarecrow's hair was rainbow colored and spiked in every direction, with a lip ring on his bottom lip.

"Did that scarecrow talk?" asked Sarai.

"I hope not, because that's usually a very bad thing in horror movies." replied Pomme.

"Oh, I agree," remarked the voice. "But I promise not to hurt you!"

The girls stared at one another, then looked over at the scarecrow. The scarecrow smiled and winked, causing the girls to do a double take.

"What the hell? First homicidal androgynous munchkins, then good fairies in hot pink bubbles with crooked purple wings, THEN a pink road with guitar shaped bricks and NOW a talking scarecrow! What next?!" exclaimed Sarai.

"Any chance you could get me down from here?" asked the scarecrow.

"I suppose so," replied Sarai. "There really isn't anything else we are supposed to be doing. How did you get stuck up there anyway?"

"Well, this field belongs to the Wicked Bitch of the West. So she decided to make me, then place me here to scare away the munchkins and their crazy friends. The problem is that the munchkins nailed me to this post so I couldn't chase them. So, they throw wild parties and I get blamed."

"Well, that's an interesting reason. We met the Wicked Bitch and she doesn't seem very nice. By the way, I don't have a hammer to pull out the nails. What should I do?" said Pomme, stumbling in her nine inch heels. Just as she began to lose her balance she grabbed the post to steady herself. Unfortunately the post wasn't strong enough to hold the scarecrow and Pomme and it fell over, splintering into little pieces and freeing the scarecrow.

"Well, that worked. Good Job Pomme!" said Sarai.

"You shut up, bitch. Help me up!" cried Pomme.

Sarai held out her hands and pulled up Pomme, the scarecrow began to pick off some stray pieces of straw.

"So, Scarecrow, what is your name?" asked Sarai.

"Miyavi. Or V for short. Or M-Y-V. Or... um... how about just Miyavi? Does that work?"

"Yeah, it works. I'm Pomegranate, but you can call me Pomme."

"And I'm Sarai," started Sarai.

"Or you could call her Toto!" interrupted Pomme.

"Toto?" asked Miyavi.

"Ignore her! Do you know which way we should go? We are going to see the Wizard of J-Rock in the Pink Star City to see if he can help us get back home." replied Sarai.

Miyavi shrugged his shoulders and shook his head.

“I don’t know anything at all. When I was made the Wicked Bitch made me without any internal organs, including that thing in your head… you know what I mean?”

“A brain?” asked Pomme.

“Yeah, a brain! She made me without one of those too! Actually, to be brutally honest, I have no idea how I’m even considered a living being without any internal clock work…” the scarecrow paused a moment, as if considering something important. “Do you have any cookies?”

“What?” asked Sarai, astonished.

“What?” repeated Miyavi.

“No, I mean, what did you say?” said Sarai.

“No, I mean, what did you say?” asked Miyavi.

“Pomme, I think we have a problem.” Sarai turned toward Pomme, who was stifling a giggle.

“Pomme, I think we have a problem.” Repeated the scarecrow, turning toward Pomme as well and putting his hands on his hips.

“Sarai, I think you should give him a cookie. Maybe he’ll stop if you give him a cookie.” Replied Pomme.

“I don’t have a cookie! Besides, he just got done saying he has no internal organs, so how the hell is he supposed to digest this cookie if I give it to him?” hissed Sarai.

Miyavi looked puzzled, cocking his head to the right. Then he sat down and closed his eyes, lifting his face to the sun. Sarai stopped and looked, as did Pomme.

“What is he doing?” whispered Sarai.

“Do I look like a freaking encyclopedia, Sarai?”

“Sh! I’m thinking!” said Miyavi.

“But V, how can you think if you have no brain?” asked Pomme, gently.

He shrugged slightly, keeping his eyes closed and his face toward the suddenly very sparkly sky. Then he smiled and stood up again.

“So, can I go with you to the Pink Star City?”

“Why? Do you need something that you think the J-Rock Wizard can give you?” asked Sarai.

“Nope. I just want to come along. It is boring watching over a field of neon purple street lamps. Who plants neon purple street lights in a field?!” replied Miyavi, skipping all around Sarai and Pomme.

“Aw, come on Sarai! Let him come along. He is so cute! And besides, maybe he’ll recognize something from when he was first brought this way.” Begged Pomme.

Sarai sighed, then looked at Pomme and Miyavi who were giving her the puppy dog face. She tried not to smile at them, but found she couldn’t hide it.

“Fine. He can come.”

“Yes!” shouted Miyavi and Pomme, they then high-fived and Pomme had to hold on to Miyavi as she almost fell off of her shoes for the millionth time.

So, the three of them linked arms, mainly to keep Pomme from falling and hurting herself, and began to walk down a randomly chosen road paved with pink Gibson guitars.


	5. Meeting the Gackt Tin-Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarai and Pomme meet a man frozen in a field of statues on their way to Pink Star City.

Eventually they stumbled, literally for Pomme, into a forest filled with beautiful sculptures. Everywhere they looked they saw sculptures, some small and some large. Amongst all of these sculptures was a sculpture of a man trying to cover up the fact that he was naked. Only, as they got closer and closer they noticed that it wasn’t a sculpture but a real man, frozen in place.

“Whoa,” said Pomme, trying not to stare at the beautiful man.

“I want my hair to do that!” said Sarai, looking at the man’s hair.

The naked man’s hair was partially corn-rowed on top and then, in a pony-tail, fell in several spiral curls around his shoulders. The man was very beautiful, with sparkly blue eyes and a slightly embarrassed smile on his face.

“I wonder how to un-freeze him.” Mused Sarai.

Then, in the silence following Sarai’s musings, they heard a sound. A soft and muffled sound that seemed to come from the frozen man.

“Muh miss, muh miss!” said the man, well as best as he could considering his lips were frozen.

“Muh miss!” copied Miyavi.

“Miyavi, this is no time to play copy-cat. What does ‘Muh miss’ mean?” asked Sarai.

“Maybe it means ‘My dress’?” asked Pomme.

“My dress? What does he want with a dress? It is not like he can get dressed while he is frozen in place. No, it has to mean something else.”

“What about cookies!” exclaimed Miyavi.

Instead of answering this Sarai and Pomme just stared at Miyavi until he decided to move away and pick at a sculptured tree.

“Muh miss! Muh miss!” said the man again. His eyes seemed to want to move, but couldn’t, forced to stay focused elsewhere.

“We’re trying, damn it, give us a minute.” Said Sarai, frustrated.

“Muh miss. Wait! A kiss! A kiss, he wants a kiss!” exclaimed Pomme.

Sarai looked at Pomme and smiled. “Are you sure that’s not more wishful thinking than anything?”

“Well, it can’t hurt. Right?” asked Pomme.

“Fine,” replied Sarai. “Go ahead. Kiss him. While you’re doing that, I’m going to try something else.”

As Sarai walked toward where Miyavi was (he had begun to yell at a sculpture about cookies), Pomme timidly tripped forward and gentle kissed the man’s lips. As soon as she did the man blinked and took a deep breath. His eyelids fluttered a moment, pursing his lips, he moved as if he was going to lift his hands, but thought better of it.

Gracefully, the man leaned back, making sure to keep his hands over his privates. He rolled his shoulders slowly, popped his neck and then looked at Pomme with his sparkly blue eyes.

“Thank you for freeing me. God, it is stiff work being a sculpture!” said the man.

Pomme fought to speak intelligently, trying to pick her jaw up off of the ground.

“I didn’t think that would actually work! I just thought it would be fun to kiss you!” Quickly, a blush spread across Pomme’s face after saying that.

The man laughed softly and looked down. “Would you mind getting me my clothing? It is a bit drafty out here.”

“Oh! Of course, where are they?” replied Pomme.

“Well the last time I saw them they were underneath those trees over there.” The sculpture man pointed in a direction and Pomme carefully stumbled over there to look. What she found made her jaw drop to the ground once again. The man’s clothes consisted of a puffy white shirt; one that looked like it belonged to a pirate, a pair of gold leather pants that had slights all the way up the sides and were laced with black ribbons, a pair of silver knee-high boots and a platinum thong.

Timidly bringing them over, Pomme held them up and asked,

“Are these it?”

The man reached out and took the clothes, smiling and nodding. He walked behind a large tree and quickly dressed while Pomme tried to remain balanced. When he came out, Pomme’s eyes were immediately drawn to his crotch where several perfect rubies were sown to accentuate the bulge. Embarrassed, she turned her head and tried to think of something to say.

“Nice pants.” Internally Pomme smacked herself because that was all she could say. Just then Sarai came up and stopped short, staring.

“Holy Shit! It worked?! Kissing him worked?! No way. Whoa. Nice jewels, I mean…” Sarai stopped a moment, fighting a blush that was quickly taking over her face. “Um, nice pants.”

“Hey Toto!” Miyavi came running up and stopped short also. “Toto, you’re so red it looks like an apple and a tomato and blood all got together and had a baby on your neck!”

“My name isn’t Toto, damn it!” cried Sarai, trying to cover her face and the hide the blush.

“Your name is Toto?” asked the sculpture man.

“No! My name is Sarai. That is Miyavi and this is Pomme. What is your name?”

“Gackt. Thanks for rescuing me.” The man bowed low and kissed both Pomme and Sarai’s hands.

“No problem. Why were you frozen like that?” asked Sarai.

“Well you see, the Wicked Bitch of the West wanted my jewels and I wouldn’t give it to her. So she got pissed off and turned me into a piece of sculpture amongst a forest of sculptures, sure that no one would notice me. And that’s how I ended up here. How did you get here?”

“We are following the Pink Gibson Road to get to the Pink Star City to see the J-Rock Wizard so that they can go home.” Said Miyavi.

“Well, that didn’t really answer the question, but okay. Do you mind if I come along too?”

Pomme and Sarai looked at each other and then smiled.

“Sure! You can come too. Maybe you will recognize something and be able to help us find the way to the Pink Star City.” Said Pomme.

“So, we’re off?” said Sarai.

With that, the four of them hooked arms and cheerfully began their journey towards the Pink Star City.


	6. The Wicked Bitch Arrives (Again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarai, Pomme, Gackt and Miyavi run into the Wicked Bitch and get chased by some pretty horrifying creatures.

While on their way to the Pink Star City, the group came across a spooky forest full of mangled and mutilated trees. Hanging from the trees were huge apples shaped like baby heads. Black shadows screamed in the darkness, bodiless hands reaching out to grab them and drag them into those mangled trees.

“I don’t like this place.” Whispered Pomme.

“None of us do, but we have to keep going.” Replied Gackt, squeezing Pomme’s hand.

“Is this the part where we start chanting about lions and tigers and bears?” asked Sarai, trying to keep the mood light.

Just then, there was an explosion of bad body odor and greasy hair. Before the group stood the Wicked Bitch of the West, her hair sticking out in every direction and loaded with hair gel tested on animals. She was still wearing her “Meat is Murder” button, but had moved it to her shoulder attempting, and subsequently failing, to cover another greasy meat stain.

“So,” she said, her lips smothered with shark oil lipstick. “I see you are still trying to get to Pink Star City in my sister’s magical shoes. Why don’t you just give up now and save us both some trouble? Just hand over the shoes and I’ll let you live.”

“What are you going to do if I refuse?” said Pomme, pulling herself up to her full height.

“I’ll sic my flying platypi on you! Led by my flying chipmunk, Hiroto!”

“Platypi?” scoffed Sarai. “You’re going to sic flying platypi, led by a flying chipmunk, on us? Seriously?! That’s about as scary as my Grandma’s fake teeth!”

“What?! Their back claws are very venomous you know! And they’re a lot scarier in real life!” sputtered Twink, spitting a little as she spoke.

“Right. Well, you go ahead and do that. We’ll just keep going on our way, with your sister’s shoes. Nice seeing you again.” Replied Sarai. With that last, Sarai grabbed Pomme’s hand and began to walk away.

“You will regret this!” cried Twink. Gazing up through the disfigured trees, Twink began muttering and swaying, then she raised her hands and disappeared in a flash.

“We’ll regret what?” said Miyavi, holding onto Sarai’s arm and looking all around.

“Nothing, V. She didn’t even do anything. She is just trying to scare us into giving her the shoes. Which we aren’t going to do, because hide told us not to.” Replied Sarai.

Only, Sarai was quite wrong because Twink did do something. Out of the darkness came several low growls, growing louder and louder as they came closer to the group. Then out of the black of the forest came thousands of bodiless baby heads, growling and screaming. Throwing themselves from the trees they rolled toward the group, jagged teeth filling their mouths and venom dripping down their tiny faces. Their eyes turned completely white and they suddenly sprouted wings where their ears had been, flying at the adventurers and screaming.

“RUN!” shouted Gackt, pushing Sarai and Pomme out in front of him. Sarai jumped, still holding Pomme’s hand tightly in her own, and began to run further into the woods, trying to find an exit. Tripping behind her, Pomme attempted to run, but found herself inhibited by the magical shoes. Miyavi stumbled behind them, falling down and losing some straw.

“Come on, Miyavi! You have to get up!” cried Sarai, grabbing hold of Miyavi’s hand and dragging him to his feet. Right behind them was Gackt, trying to distract the flying heads long enough for the others to escape.

At one point Pomme tripped over her heels and tumbled to the ground. Immediately, she was swarmed by the flying baby heads, trying to eat her and poison her. Sarai, Miyavi and Gackt all kicked the heads like soccer balls and yanked Pomme to her feet, before dragging her away from the ravenous babies.

Finally, because Pomme kept falling down, Gackt and Miyavi each grabbed an arm and picked her up. Then all of them ran for their lives, further and further into the monster infested woods. Still running, they turned at a crossroad and lost the flying baby heads, only to find themselves incredibly lost in another part of the woods.


	7. Meeting the Yoshiki Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group meet a lion in the woods.

“I get it,” Said Sarai. “This is the part where we begin to chant. Because we had to meet up with the Bitch first. Of course.”

“No offense, Sarai, but this is no time for joking. We just almost got devoured by flying baby heads! Now we are horribly lost in another part of this scary forest and may very well be eaten by something else.” Said Pomme, trying not to cry.

“Oh, it’ll be alright Pomme. We’ll have you back to your Auntie Fawn soon enough. Then you can explain to her why you were out with the cute Koreans.” Replied Sarai, giving Pomme a playful kiss on the cheek.

As they walked, the bricks began to become worn and faded. Eventually the bricks stopped completely and, dismayed and feeling defeated, the group sat down to rest and to figure out what to do.

“Well, this isn’t good.” Said Gackt. “As long as we had a brick road to follow there was a chance of getting out of here. Now, now I don’t know what we are going to do. All of this has changed since I was frozen in place.”

“Sarai,” said Miyavi. “What were you saying earlier about lions and tigers and bears?”

“Oh, it’s just a line from a movie, Miyavi. There probably aren’t any lions or tigers or bears here.”

“I beg to differ.” Replied Pomme.

“Why?” asked Sarai.

“Because there is a big lion right behind me!” with that Pomme, Miyavi and Sarai all jumped up and fell over.

Just in front of them stood a tall figure with a long tail and a shaggy mane. It growled at them, then dropped to all fours and came up to them. As it got closer they noticed that it was, in fact, a lion with shaggy gold and silver fur all over its body.

“Holy Hell! Now what do we do?!” cried Pomme.

“Um, I don’t know! Hold still. Maybe it will go away!” replied Sarai, trying to remain calm.

Instead of going away, however, the lion came closer, sniffing at Sarai. Slowly it crept closer and closer, until it was a few inches away from Sarai’s sandaled feet.

“Go away.” Said Sarai, moving back a little and propping herself up.

The lion growled, low and threatening, then moved closer still. Quickly, Sarai jumped up, kicked off her sandals and began to run. Quick as lightning, the lion followed, chasing Sarai around a tree. As Sarai came around one side, Gackt came up and smacked the lion on the nose. The lion stopped, stunned, then sat down and began to curse.

“Fuck! That hurt! Goddamn, why did you do that?! I wasn’t going to hurt her! Fuck! Is my nose bleeding?!”

Sarai stopped, panting from running. “How was he supposed to know you weren’t going to hurt me? Why were you chasing me anyway?!”

The lion stopped worrying about his nose for a moment and looked slightly sheepish. “Your hair is really curly and I wanted to make one of them bounce.”

Sarai looked at the lion, the lion looked at Sarai and then they both burst into a fit of laughter. Just as they began to laugh Pomme and Miyavi caught up, instantly coming up and helping Sarai.

“I’m Sarai. What’s your name Mr. Lion?”

“Yoshiki. That’s Yosh-Key. Not any of that Yo-she-key shit. Just Yoshiki. You can call me Yo for short, if you like.” Said the Lion.

“Well, this is Pomme, Gackt and Miyavi. We are on our way to the Pink Star City to see the Wizard of J-Rock. Would you happen to know the way out of this forest?” asked Sarai.

“Actually, yes I would. I can show it to you, but in exchange you have to take me with you.”

“How did you become a talking lion?” asked Pomme.

“Well, once I was a human being. I was actually a Prince in a city far away from here. One day I was out for a walk and the Wicked Bitch of the West showed up. She tried to seduce me and I almost fell for it. But when I finally told her that I wasn’t interested she got angry and turned me into a lion. Do you think the Wizard could turn me back into a man?”

“I don’t know,” said Sarai. “But it is worth checking out. Let’s go!”

So, the group linked arms and Yo led them out of the forest and back onto the Pink Gibson Road. By the time they reached the road it was dark outside. The sky was ablaze with the eyes of people all over the universe staring at one beautiful orb of light. They stopped a moment to stare at the sky, then quickly continued on their journey to the Pink Star city.


	8. Finding the City, Past the Poppies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group finally arrives at the Pink Star City, just not how they pictured it happening.

“Damn them!” screamed Twink as she stared into her giant crystal triangle. “They should have died by now, but they are still going toward the city. At this rate they will find the city and meet the Wizard and it’ll be Goodbye Magical Shoes. Must come up with a plan.”

“Excuse me, your Wickedness.” Said a timid voice.

“What is it now?!” roared Twink, turning on a small, nervous chipmunk.

“Well, it’s just that I think I know what you should do.” Replied the chipmunk, shrinking back.

“What is that?”

“The field of Poppies. The one about two miles outside of the Pink Star City. You could use some of your magic on it to stop them.”

Twink pondered this a moment, then gingerly patted the chipmunk’s head.

“Good job, Hiroto. You won’t be eaten after all. Go, fetch all the flying platypi and prepare them. If this doesn’t work, I will be needing them.”

With that, the chipmunk scampered off and Twink began to prepare the spell to terrorize our young heroes.

Meanwhile, the group was exhausted, walking on very little sleep and sore feet. They finally stopped for a break about a mile away from the field of Poppies Twink and Hiroto had been discussing.

These poppies were not like the poppies we know, these poppies were J-Rock poppies, meaning that they were already magical on their own. Twink was going to twist their magic and use it against the adventurers. The field of poppies stretched for several miles in either direction, just rows and rows of beautiful bright red flowers. Within each flower was a single tear-shaped black pearl that could protect you from harm, disguising you and even turning you invisible.

After a short rest, the group began to enter into the field of poppies. As they got a little bit further in, Pomme, Sarai and Yo began to feel very ill. When they looked pieces of them were missing. Pomme could see through her stomach, Sarai was missing her legs and Yo couldn’t find his tail.

“Oh no! Sarai, what are we going to do?!” cried Pomme, feeling quite faint.

“I don’t know, Pomme! I don’t know! Oh god, Help!”

All of them began to cry out for help, though, as Gackt eventually pointed out, there was no one within miles to hear them. Pieces of Pomme, Sarai and Yo kept disappearing until they were nothing but talking heads lying amidst the flowers.

“What are we going to do Gackt? We can’t just let them disappear! We have to do something!” cried Miyavi.

“I don’t know what we can do! HELP! HELP!”

Just then a large shower of pink spider sparkles began to fall in the form of pink snowflakes. As the pink snow covered the group, Pomme, Sarai and Yo began to regain their bodies. Once they had all of their limbs they all hugged and ran as quickly as they could out of the field of Poppies.

As they emerged from the field they saw a huge city shaped like a giant pink star rising out of the earth.

“Look!” shouted Sarai. “The Pink Star City!”

“Let’s hurry!” exclaimed Pomme.

So they all took hands and began to skip toward the city.

“Damn it!” cried Twink, as she once again stared into her crystal triangle. “They’ve had help from that stupid hide matsumoto, Mr. Good Witch himself.”

Pacing back and forth, Twink began to formulate a new plan, one that couldn’t fail.

When they were about halfway to the city, Sarai looked up and noticed a large object flying just a short distance above their heads. Upon closer inspection, Sarai realized that it was something like the airplanes they had in Japan, only this one was slightly smaller and shaped more like a flying platypus.

"Um, guys..." Sarai stopped short and pointed. "What the hell is that?"

Pomme and the guys stopped and all looked up. Then they all began to run as the flying object dropped down and began to try to hit them. They all dove to the ground, as the flying machine pulled a "North by Northwest" move, flying scant inches above their prone bodies.

"Damn that was close. We better hurry or we aren't going to make it to the city alive!" cried Gackt, then he grabbed Sarai and Pomme's hands and dragged them up.

The flying machine swerved in the air, turning around to try and squish the adventurers. This time, it flew so low that one of the wings scooped up Pomme and Sarai, only picking up Sarai because she was holding on to Pomme like the world was going to end. As it tried to pull away, Miyavi, Gackt and Yo all grabbed hold of the back of the machine and pulled themselves up.

"Quick! Somebody take over the controls!" cried Yo, struggling to hold on. Pomme and Sarai found what looked like a cockpit and saw a Chipmunk, with a flying helmet on, steering.

"So, that's what she meant when she said she had flying platypi led by a flying chipmunk!" said Sarai.

Hiroto the chipmunk looked up at the girls and squealed, jumping up from behind the steering wheel. He then jumped out of the cockpit and pulled a chord releasing his giant parachute, so that he began to float back down to the Pink Gibson Road.

"Well, that was a dick move," said Pomme. "Now what are we going to do? I don't know how to fly anything!"

Sarai took hold of the wheel and began to pull up on it, but to no avail.

"Damn, that always works in the movies." she said.

"This isn't a movie Sarai! We are about to die horribly if we don't figure something out now!"

Then Gackt came in, some blood trickling down his lip.

"I'll do it," he said. "I used to fly things like this before I got turned into a statue." He then took the wheel and the girls scampered back up to where Miyavi and Yo were.

When they got up they saw Yo and Miyavi fighting off a dozen flying platypi, diving and swooping, trying to knock the guys down. The girls looked around for something to use as a weapon, but found nothing. Then all the sudden the flying machine did a nose dive leaving the platypi in a stream of smoke. Everyone held on tightly as the plane continued to plummet to the ground.

With a loud bang, the plane and passengers crashed through a pink glass ceiling over the city and into the middle of town. Everyone stopped to stare at the strangers in the flying machine.

"Um, Hi." said Sarai, just before she and the others passed out from exhaustion.


	9. Finding the Wizard of J-Rock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarai and Pomme escape from the Pink Star City jail to find their friends and go in search of the mysterious Wizard of J-Rock.

When Pomme and Sarai woke they were in a big pink room on small pink beds dressed in pink pajamas.

“You know, I like pink, but I think I’m having a pink overload.” Said Sarai, pulling at the pajamas.

“What happened?” mumbled Pomme, rubbing her head.

“You crashed into our city, clogged up traffic and destroyed several buildings, no big deal of course. Long story short you are in the Pink Star City, in our Welcome Center, which you crashed into.” Said a very sarcastic voice.

When the girls turned around they saw a lady with pink hair, black strands underneath.

“Auntie Fawn?!” cried Pomme, glomping the lady.

“Get the fuck off me!” cried the lady, shoving Pomme off. “My name isn’t Fawn! And I am not your aunt!”

“Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else.” Pomme turned away from the woman and sat back down on one of the beds, some tears running down her face. She was really beginning to miss her Auntie Fawn and her Uncle Aoi.

“It’ll be okay Pomme, we’ll get home soon enough. We just need to talk to the Wizard.” Sarai reached over and patted Pomme’s shoulder.

“Talk to the Wizard? You crash into our city and then you think we’ll let you talk to the Wizard?! You’ve got to be coo-coo for Coco Puffs and I don’t mean chocolatey fucking goodness! Are you insane?” said the lady with the pink and black hair.

“But we must speak to the Wizard! The good witch of the North, hide, sent us!” cried Pomme.

“Oh yeah? Good witch huh? Well, we’ll need proof that he sent you.” The lady put her hands are her hips and frowned. She didn’t seem at all happy about the mentioning of hide.

“Well, she’s wearing the nine-inch electric blue heels that he gave her!” said Sarai pointing at Pomme’s feet.

“How do I know that she got those from hide? She could’ve just picked them up anywhere!” said the lady.

“But she didn’t pick them up anywhere. These belonged to the Wicked Bitch of the East, we crushed her with an abandoned house and hide gave Pomme the shoes.”

“So, you’ve killed before! Landing houses on top of people, then crashing flying machines into cities! Maybe you are here to kill our wizard too!”

“It was an accident when we killed the Wicked Bitch! We didn’t mean to land on her! And as to crashing into the city, that was entirely Gackt’s fault. He was the one flying the thing!” said Pomme, standing up.

“Great Pomme, blame Gackt. I’m sure that will help!” said Sarai, rolling her eyes up to the ceiling and back to the floor.

“Oh you must mean the gentlemen that were with you when you crashed! They are being questioned as we speak.” Replied the lady.

“Where are they being held?” asked Sarai.

“As if I’m going to tell you! Do I have S T U P I D written on my forehead in hot pink letters or something? I don’t think so.” Replied the lady.

“Well, where are our clothes? The ones we crashed in?” asked Pomme.

“They are in a special place. Well taken care of I assure you. In the mean time, you are to come with me as you are to have your pictures taken and to be escorted to the local jail. You will be held until such a time as the wizard decides to put you on trial.” With that the lady put some leopard spotted furry handcuffs on the girls and began to escort them out.

Just then Sarai had a brilliant idea. She suddenly fell to the ground and began breathing hard and forcing herself to wheeze. Pomme stopped short and tried to help Sarai up, not realizing what Sarai was trying to do.

“Sarai? Are you okay? Sarai!” Pomme turned to the lady. “She is having an asthma attack, she needs her inhaler!! It’s in the pocket of her pants! Hurry, hurry!”

Frightened, because she had never seen someone have an asthma attack, the lady took off to get Sarai’s pants and, subsequently, her inhaler.

“It’ll be okay Sarai, deep breaths.” Said Pomme, sitting beside Sarai.

“I’m fine, Pomme.” Sarai pulled out the keys to the handcuffs and her inhaler from a pocket in the pajamas. “I took my inhaler out of my pants just before I passed out and held onto it. And, you provided enough of a distraction that I was able to slip the keys out of that lady’s pocket.”

Pomme hit Sarai’s arm, hard.

“Ouch! What did you do that for?!” cried Sarai.

“You scared the shit out of me! I thought you were going to die or something!”

“Well I’m not dead! So let’s hurry and get the hell out of here!” with that Sarai unlocked the handcuffs and the girls took off.

As they wandered down the streets looking for signs, they noticed a star-shaped building that said “Prisoner Questioning” on the side. Quietly, they snuck into the building to find Gackt, Yo and Miyavi.

“Why do I have the feeling that this is all a little too easy?” asked Pomme.

“Probably because it is.” Replied Sarai.

“Where do you think they are being held?” asked Pomme, almost falling off her heels for about the millionth time.

“I have no clue, but this place didn’t look very big, so I’m sure we’ll find them shortly.” However, Sarai was very wrong. Even though the building itself looked small, inside it was a large and complex maze leading down into caverns below. Gackt, Yo and Miyavi were being held in the very bottom of this large and complex labyrinth, being questioned by a very large and mean guard.

After hours of searching and getting even more lost, the girls sat down in a closet for some rest. They were both very tired and hungry. Scrounging through their little hiding space they found some snacks shaped like stars and a bottle of juice, which they decided to share. After reading the ingredients however, Sarai realized that she could not eat the snacks or drink the juice because they had rice in them.

“Damn allergy to rice! It’s going to be the death of me, you know.” Complained Sarai, throwing the snacks over to Pomme.

Just then they heard someone walking outside the door. They held their breath and squeezed themselves up against the very back of the closet, waiting. The door opened only slightly and three figures slipped in.

“Now what, Miyavi?” said a hushed voice.

“Miyavi? Gackt? Yo? Is that you?” Sarai whispered.

"Yes. Sarai? Pomme?” replied a voice.

“Yes!” Sarai and Pomme came up to the other figures and they all exchanged hugs.

“How did you escape?” asked Pomme.

“Well, it turns out Miyavi has a photographic memory and once the guards backs were turned we escaped. He has led us this far, but the guards were catching up, so we slipped in here.” Replied Yo.

“How can Miyavi have a photographic memory if he has no brain or any other internal organs?” asked Sarai, hugging onto Yo and Pomme.

Miyavi shrugged and smiled.

“It doesn’t matter, really,” said Pomme. “As long as he can get us out of here.”

“Well we better hurry, otherwise we are going to get caught.” Whispered Gackt.

They waited a moment until they heard the guards’ footsteps pass, then they opened the door and ran for it. As they ran, none of them knew that they were being watched by Twink in her tower through her crystal triangle.

“Damn it. Why does nothing I do work? They are always escaping and getting closer to the wizard. Must do something, but what?” raged Twink. She wasn’t used to this, normally she got her way very quickly, but she had now been denied her desires by 3 men and 2 girls. One of whom still hadn’t figured out how to use the magical shoes given her by hide.

Finally, after sneaking around the city, the sun began to set and everyone went to their homes and to bed. Signs were even hung along the side-walks saying they were “Closed for the Night”.

“Wow, this is almost like that little village we live in!” said Pomme.

“Yeah, except we don’t have signs notifying the closure of side-walks. Come on, we’ve got to find the wizard if we ever want to get out of here.”

Finding the wizard proved quite easy actually, because just above his Castle was a huge blaring sign pointed directly at his door. The sign practically screamed in its bright neon orange letters, proclaiming “THE WIZARD IS HERE!”

“Well, that isn’t obvious at all.” Said Sarai.

With that, they all snuck up and went in to the Castle of the Wizard of J-Rock.


	10. An Impossibly Possible Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group meet the Wizard and learn they must retrieve the Wicked Bitch's "Meat is Murder" button before Sarai and Pomme can go home.

Inside the Wizard’s castle it was quite dark, the hall only lit by tiny electric candles. There were very tall windows, but they were draped with heavy black curtains to block out even the tiniest light from outside the building.

“How are we going to find the wizard from here?” whispered Pomme.

“I have no clue, but we’ll find him. It couldn’t possibly be…” started Sarai.

“You know, every time you say it couldn’t possibly be that hard it turns out to be, so just be quiet.” Exclaimed Pomme.

“Sh!” complained the group.

They skipped down the hallway, trying to find a way to the wizard. At one point they stopped at the end of another excruciatingly long hallway, waiting a moment to figure everything out.

“So, what do you think you’re doing here?” asked a voice behind them. Upon hearing this voice they all jumped and turned around to discover a tall man with glasses, dressed like a guard, directly behind them.

“What are you doing here?” repeated the man.

“Um, we are here to help the Wizard.” said Pomme.

“With what? I wasn’t notified of any assistance being needed.” Replied the man.

“We are his hairstylists.” Sarai piped up.

“His hairstylists? This late? Why?”

“Well, have you seen his hair recently?” scoffed Pomme.

“What are your names?” asked the Man, trying to look very stern, but clearly getting bored.

“I’m Pomegranate, this is Sarai, Miyavi, Gackt and Yo.”

“Pomegranate? Your name is Pomegranate?” the man stifled a guffaw.

“Yes it is. You have a problem with that?”

“Nope, just laughing at your name meaning Cursed Evil Fruit. Follow me.” With a quick turn the man began to escort the group down a nearby hallway.

“What’s your name? If you don’t mind my asking?” said Sarai, catching up with the man.

“Trent.”

“Do you like working for the wizard, Trent?” asked Gackt.

“Not really. I mean I spend my entire time trying to figure out who is a guy and who is a girl that I just continuously feel like I’m getting penis wagged in my face.”

Sarai and Pomme stifled a giggle, both of them turning bright red.

“Did he just say what I think he just said?” whispered Pomme, pulling Sarai back behind the group of men.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he did.” Giggled Sarai.

After a short while, Trent led the group into the receiving room of the castle. Directing them toward some seats he quietly exited and was gone for about ten minutes before returning for the group.

“He says he will see you, though he doesn’t recall sending for you guys.” At this Trent shrugged and led the group into the throne room where he then promptly left closing the large and ornate doors loudly behind him.

“So,” a loud voice boomed. “You are not my real hairstylists. Why have you come here?”

“If it please your wizardness,” began Pomme “We were told to come to here by hide, the good witch or fairy or whatever he is of the North. At least I think it was the North.”

“Ah, so hide sent you, did he. Where is your proof?” asked the voice.

“Well, they are on my feet. Unfortunately. Do you know how much of a pain it is to try and run from flying platypi in nine inch electric blue heels?” replied Pomme.

“No, but I can imagine it would be rather hard.” Said the voice. “So you have the shoes of the Wicked Bitch of the East. Anything else?”

“Nope, that’s about it.” Said Sarai.

“What is it that you want exactly?” asked the voice.

“We want to go home,” said Pomme, pointing at herself and Sarai. “I don’t know what they want, I think they just came along for the cute factor.”

“Hmm, interesting. Well, for you to get home you need to complete a task for me.”

“What might that be?” asked Sarai, worry creeping up her spine.

“Oh nothing too big. I just need the Wicked Bitch of the West’s ‘Meat is Murder’ button.” Replied the voice.

“But to get that we would have to coming in touching distance of her!” cried an outraged Gackt. “And who in their right mind wants to do that?!”

“SILENCE!” commanded the voice, booming so loud that the room shook, knocking Pomme off her heels and onto her ass.

“You must bring me the button or else you go directly to the police. Do it and I will help you get home.” Then the voice faded and refused to answer any other questions.

“Well shit.” Said Sarai, helping Pomme back up to her feet. “What do we do now?”

“I guess we go to find the Bitch’s castle and get that button. Or else you guys will be stuck here.” Said Yoshiki, fiddling with his tail. “Truth be told guys I don’t want you to go. We could just find a nice abandoned cottage somewhere and live happily ever after. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“I’d be up for it, but who would feed Shakespeare?” said Sarai.

“Shakespeare?” asked Gackt, Yo and Miyavi in unison.

“Her creepy snake.” Replied Pomme.

“He is NOT creepy. He is a magnificent albino king cobra that I got while visiting a cousin of mine in India.” Said Sarai, getting slightly huffy.

“Your parents let you have a COBRA?!” exclaimed Yo.

“Well, no. I don’t have any parents. And besides, I’m an adult, I can take care of myself thank you. I’ve never been bitten.” Replied Sarai.

“Okay, for your own safety I’m afraid we’ll have to either keep you here or go back with you.” Said Gackt.

“Okay, enough of this chit-chat. We have to get to the Wicked Bitch’s castle and we don’t even know where it is!” said Miyavi.

“Not only that, but I’m starving and exhausted!” said Pomme. “We haven’t slept almost since we got here, except for passing out and being trapped in the Pink Room at the Welcome center!”

“I agree with Pomme. We need to find a place to sleep and get some food.” Said Yo, being the adult of the group.

“I think I can help you with that!” said a voice. They turned around and found Trent standing by the ornate doors. “I can actually help you find the Bitch’s castle too. I have a map. I’ll give you guys some food and a place to sleep tonight if you will do me a favor.”

“What’s the favor?” asked Pomme with trepidation.

“I need someone to help me with feeding the animals around here before we all go to bed.”

“Oh well that shouldn’t be…” started Sarai.

“Don’t even THINK about finishing that sentence, Sarai.” Interrupted the rest of the group.

“How many animals are there?” asked Gackt.

“Only five. One man-eating rabbit, one lesbian tiger, one de-winged flying platypi, a fire-breathing cow and a unicorn.”

“I’m not even going to ask how you got these animals.” Said Pomme.

“Can I have the tiger?!” quipped Sarai.

“Hell No!” exclaimed Yo and with that they followed Trent to the animal houses.


	11. Finding the Wicked Bitch of the West

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pomme gets kidnapped by flying platypi in the Forest of Screeching Fangirls and taken to the Wicked Bitch's castle.

After they had helped Trent feed the exotic animals, and Sarai almost got eaten by the lesbian tiger (and not in a good way mind you), Trent kept his promise and gave them food and a place to sleep. The next morning, he gave them a good meal and a map to the Bitch’s castle. Wishing them good luck he gently shoved them out the door and into the Forest of Screeching Fan-girls.

“How far does the map say the castle is from here?” whispered Pomme, clinging to Gackt’s arm.

“Um, a long ways. Dude, I don’t even friggin’ know how to read a map!” exclaimed Sarai, shoving the map at Yo.

“It says we are about 15 miles from the castle. That’s not far.”

“Oh my god, my feet are going to fall off, I swear.” Cried Pomme.

“Do you suppose the fan-girls will come out and devour our souls?” asked Miyavi, shaking a little as he aimed his shovel.

“Fan-girls don’t eat souls, silly. They’ll just kiss you until you die of dehydration. It’s a bit messy though. Dehydration that is, kissing is nice.” Replied Sarai, pushing the shovel back down to Miyavi’s side.

“They are right where I want them.” Whispered Twink to Hiroto. She looked again into the crystal triangle, then pressed her “Meat is Murder” button.

Immediately a horde of flying platypi filled the sky, robotic arms affixed to their bodies so that they could grasp and carry things. Hiroto prepared his miniature flying contraption and awaited his orders.

“Bring me the girls, do what you like with the others, but make sure the girls are brought to me alive. I need them alive so I can get the shoes off intact. Now fly, FLY!”

With a loud woosh, the horde of platypi took off, following the lead of their leader, Hiroto the flying chipmunk.

Meanwhile, the group had stopped for a break, snacking on some of the food Trent had packed for them. The sky above them began to darken as it filled with screaming platypi.

“Oh shit, not again!” screamed Pomme.

“Save Pomme, she has the shoes!” cried Sarai, pushing Gackt and Yo toward Pomme and grabbing Miyavi’s shovel. She began to swing the shovel back and forth so as to hit the platypi, but was quickly overwhelmed and swept up by big robotic arms.

“Sarai!” screamed Pomme, trying to escape the guys’ arms to try and rescue her friend.

Quickly the swarm was upon them, clawing and tearing the men off of Pomme and dragging her up into the sky. Just as quickly hordes of screaming fan-girls came rushing out of the forest to help the platypi, dragging the men to their nests buried deep in the darkness.

“No!” cried Pomme. “Guys! Oh god, I’m afraid of heights! Oh god, oh god!” And with that, she was swept away with Sarai to the Wicked Bitch’s Castle.

Once they arrived at the castle they were immediately taken into custody by the Bitch’s loyal fan-girls. They separated Sarai and Pomme, shoving Sarai into a large wicker coffin and Pomme into a dismal dungeon.

With a flash of stupidity and sexually transmitted disease, Twink appeared to Pomme.

“So, my pretty, you want to give me those shoes now?” she said, munching on some half cooked steak.

“First of all, that is disgusting. Secondly, hell no. What have you done with my Sarai?”

“Oh, she’ll be fine, as long as you give me the shoes. If you don’t, I’ll have her and her wicker coffin thrown into the river to drown. So, what will it be? Living Sarai or Dead Sarai?”

“That’s not fair!” screamed Pomme. “You can’t kill a living being over a pair of shoes!”

“Oh, but I can! And I will if you don’t hand them over.” Twink made a signal for Sarai in her wicker coffin to be brought into the room.

“Don’t do it Pomme! Don’t give her the shoes. hide told you that they were magical, don’t take them off!” screamed Sarai, fighting against the wicker.

“But she’ll kill you!” cried Pomme, fighting back tears and the urge to rip those, now, hateful shoes off of her feet. “Take the shoes, just don’t kill my Toto!”

“I AM NOT YOUR TOTO!” screamed Sarai, tearing at the wicker with her non-existent nails.

“Good, good.” Exclaimed Twink, but as she reached for the shoes a guitar chord played causing her to be flung back in shock.

“I’m sorry!” cried Pomme. “It wasn’t my fault, I’m sorry! Please don’t hurt Sarai!”

Recovering from her shock, Twink turned to the fan-girls.

“Take her and drown her in the river.”

Just as she proclaimed Sarai’s death sentence, Sarai broke through the wicker and ran. Running with all of her might she fled the castle and found her way back to the forest of screaming fan-girls.

“Gackt? Miyavi? Yo? Anyone who isn’t a psychotic fan-girl who will tear me limb from limb?” whispered Sarai. In the darkness she heard a low moan coming from under a pile of brush.

Underneath the pile was Miyavi, one straw arm dangling helplessly at his side. A few feet away was Yo, draped over a tree branch, some blood on his face and a couple of yards from them was Gackt, tied to a tree.

“Oh my god! What did they do to you?!” cried Sarai, running to help her friends.

“Well they thought that since I was only made of straw it wouldn’t hurt anything to tear me apart!” cried Miyavi, clumsily standing and trying to fix his arm.

“They decided that because I was only a lion I didn’t matter and they left me to be eaten by the flying platypi.” Said Yo, finding enough strength to remove himself from the tree’s woody embrace and stumble over to help Miyavi with his arm.

“They apparently decided that I would be a sacrifice to their goddess’ lusts and tied me here so I wouldn’t escape.” Said Gackt as Sarai began to untie him.

“Twink has Pomme and I don’t know what will happen if we don’t get there in time. We have to hurry.” And with great urgency the group took off toward Twink’s castle to rescue their beloved Pomegranate.


	12. How to Kill a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group try to rescue Pomme from the Wicked Bitch and find an interesting means of escape.

“Well my pretty,” said Twink. “See this beautiful hourglass? It has exactly two hours of sand in it. When it runs out you will become my dinner and I’ll have the shoes because you are dead. Isn’t that lovely?”

“You are one really sick bitch, you know that right?” replied Pomme, spitting at Twink.

Twink came up close, too close for Pomme’s taste because the smell of rot and hypocrisy made her gag, and grabbed Pomme’s chin forcing her to look into the Wicked Bitch’s eyes.

“Oh darling, You haven’t seen anything yet. Toodles!” And with that Twink disappeared, slamming the door behind her and locking it.

Left alone in the silence, Pomme finally began to really cry.

“I’m scared Auntie Fawn! I’m scared! God, I’m scared. I don’t know where Sarai is, she could have died from an asthma attack and I wouldn’t know. I don’t know where the guys are and I never got to tell Gackt that he is a great kisser, or to kiss him again. Auntie Fawn, Uncle Aoi! Help me, I don’t know what to do.”

“Auntie Fawn, Auntie Fawn!” cackled Twink, her horrifying visage appearing in the crystal triangle behind her. “Nothing is going to save you now lovely. By the way, do you want to be barbequed or slow roasted?”

With that, the image disappeared and Pomme was left alone to watch the sand falling and wait for death to arrive.

Sneaking up close, Sarai and the guys peeked over a little ledge to the fan-girls below. They were parading around showing off their strange clothes and even stranger make-up, while pretending to be guarding the castle.

“I have an idea!” exclaimed Sarai. “We’ll grab one of those girls and knock her out then take her clothes and make up and sneak in.”

“One problem, Sarai.” Said Yo.

“What’s that?”

“We aren’t girls.”

“Oh. That’s okay, you are effeminate enough that you’ll be able to pull it off. Hurry, we don’t have much time, God only knows what Twink is doing to her in there.”

The sand was slipping through faster and faster, Pomme began to really worry that no one was going to rescue her. The shoes were even more tempting to try to take off, but she couldn’t seem to figure out a way, it was as if they were a part of her DNA.

“Well, this sucks. At least I won’t have to be buried in these things, that’s something to be happy about at least.” She mumbled.

Finally a fan-girl came to close to the group and they knocked her out taking her make-up and clothes. Dressing themselves up, they snuck into the castle.

“Which way Sarai?” asked Yo.

“This way!” Sarai ran up some spiral stairs, swirling higher and higher into the castle until they came to a big wooden door.

“Pomegranate are you in there?” asked Miyavi, knocking on the door.

“Yes! I’m here, oh hurry, the hourglass is almost empty and she wants to freaking cook me!”

Using their brute strength, the boys and Sarai knocked down the door, then grabbing Pomme’s hand began to run back down the spiral stairs. Unfortunately, at the bottom was Twink and an entire army of fan-girls waiting.

“I can’t believe you thought it would be that easy!” cried Twink, laughing a horrible laugh.

“Well, I don’t either, considering how freaking hard this entire thing has been so far.” Replied Sarai.

“Shut up, Smart Ass.” Snapped Twink, her dull eyes flaring for one second. “Now you all will die. Slowly. I won’t have to worry about food for months, you will all do just fine.”

Thinking on her feet, Pomegranate spied a bucket of what looked like a thick white cheese. Quickly she picked it up and hurled the stuff onto Twink.

“Ah!” screamed Twink, steam rising off of her. “What the hell?! What have you done? Is this… It is! You threw TOFU on me! NO! My one weakness! What a beautiful world, all that wickedness and you had to destroy it with Tofu. How could a good little girl like you do such a thing.”

The steam continued to rise off of Twink until all that was left was her horrible clothing, the “Meat is Murder” button and the stench of Herpes. With that, the Wicked Bitch of the West died.

“Quick,” cried Sarai. “Grab the button and let’s get the hell out of here! The fan-girls don’t seem to happy!”

Quickly Gackt grabbed the button and grabbed Pomme’s hand, dragging her toward the exit. They fled from the castle and somehow managed to lose the fan-girls in the mix.

Exhausted and happy, the group arrived back at the Wizard’s castle where a slightly bored Trent led them to the throne room to speak with the Wizard.


	13. Getting back Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group hand the button over to the Wizard, but there's a small hang-up on getting Sarai and Pomme back home.

“So, I hear you have brought me the Button.” Said the booming voice.

“Yes, we killed her with tofu. Who knew something so delicious could be so deadly.” Said Sarai, shrugging her shoulders. The rest of the group looked at her as if she had lost her marbles, then focused their attention back on the wizard’s voice.

“Good. Well, come back in a few weeks and I’ll let you know if I’ll help you.”

“What?!” cried Pomme. “We went through all that trouble and you aren’t even going to help us?! You bastard.”

Just then Sarai noticed a curtain. Behind this curtain stood a shadow. A shadow with very eccentric hair, sticking out at all angles. Tip-toeing over she pulled back the curtain to reveal a short man, well obviously he was taller than Sarai, but shorter than everyone else in the room.

“Who are you?” demanded the group in unison.

“Why, I’m the wizard.” Replied the man.

“You don’t look like a wizard to me. Well, you do have the crazy hair down I suppose. Though, are wizards supposed to have that shade of orange in their hair?” said Pomme.

“What’s wrong with Orange?” asked the man indignantly.

“Nothing. Who are?” replied Sarai hastily.

“I’m Ruki. The wizard of J-Rock.”

“And you aren’t going to help us get home even though we just almost got eaten by a psycho bitch obsessed with shoes?” asked Sarai.

“No. I’m not. Because I don’t know how. You see, I lied. I’m not really the Wizard of J-Rock. I just pretend that I am. So far nobody has disputed my claim to the Wizard-hood, so I’m fine. I can’t help you get home at all. I’m a terrible person.” With this Ruki hung his head in shame and scuffed his shoes on the floor.

“Well if you aren’t the Wizard who is? And why did you want Twink’s button? And how the hell are we supposed to get home?” asked Pomme.

“Actually, you’ve already met the wizard. The wizard is hide. I wanted Twink’s button because it controls the flying platypi and, seriously, who doesn’t want an army of flying platypi at their disposal? And as to how you are to get home you will have to ask hide. I have no answers.” With this Ruki took the button and disappeared leaving the group alone to contemplate what he had said.

“Now, we’ll never get home.” Cried Pomme, slumping down against a wall.

“It’s okay Pomme, we’ll figure something out. Maybe we can find where hide has band practice and make him tell us how to get home.” Replied Sarai, leaning over to hug Pomme.

As the guys all slumped against the wall to hug the girls a bright pink bubble appeared in the middle of the room. With a burst of pink light hide appeared.

“So, I heard you still haven’t figured out how to use the magic in the shoes. I thought you were smart enough, but apparently not.” hide crouched down in front of Pomme, lighting a cigarette. “Don’t cry. I’ll tell you how to get home. You’ll need to stand up though.”

“Are you kidding? I don’t know if I can get up!” said Pomme, using Sarai and Gackt to boost her upward. “Okay, what do I do to get home?”

“Click your heels and whisper ‘There’s no place like Japan, There’s no place like Japan’ and you’ll be home. Oh and you sprinkle this pink spider glitter on yourselves.”

“And you couldn’t tell us that at the beginning why?!” cried Sarai.

“Well that wouldn’t have been any fun now would it? I knew you guys would make it, it was just fun to watch. I have a big screen crystal square and it gets great reception on you guys.”

“Wow. That was kind of a dick move, dude.” Said Pomme. She turned toward Sarai and the guys and gave a half smile. “Well, I guess it’s time to say our good-byes.”

First she hugged Yo, then Miyavi and finally Gackt.

“I think I’ll miss you most of all.” She whispered.

“What was that?” asked Yo and Miyavi.

“Nothing. Innocent, I’m innocent!” giggled Pomme, giving everyone another hug. After her second hug, Pomme flung some of the glitter into the air so that it settled on her and Sarai.

“AH!” exclaimed Yo. “You got some in my fur! Do you know how hard it is to glitter out of fur?! Fuck!”

“Oops. Sorry Yo!” said Pomme, trying to stifle a giggle. “Well Sarai, hug everyone so we can get out of here.”

“Fine, fine.” Said Sarai. She then proceeded to hug Gackt, Miyavi and lastly Yo.

“You know, I was thinking. Maybe if I kissed you, you would turn back into a prince.” With that Sarai kissed Yo’s cheek. Lo and behold the magic worked and Yoshiki was turned back into a handsome prince.

“Thank You.” He said. “We will never ever forget you.”

With a few tears and a few more hugs, the girls held each other’s hands, closed their eyes, clicked their heels and whispered.

“Um, aren’t you forgetting the glitter?” said hide.

“We just did the glitter!” said Pomme.

“Well you need more of it! God, got to do everything myself.” Replied hide, snatching the glitter he flung it all over the girls.

When they opened their eyes, they were in the abandoned house they had ridden to the world of J-Rock, unharmed and full of wonder at their adventures.

When they finally made their way back to Auntie Fawn’s they were both given a severe scolding and several hugs.

“Oh, Auntie Fawn,” said Pomme. “I had the most wonderful dream and met the most wonderful people. And now I know, there is no place like Japan.”


End file.
